Six months have already passed after I resigned from my first work as a QA Engineer in Line Seiki Phils., Inc. due to some family problems. If I were to compute, I was supposed to be in Australia by now, with my Visa 476 at my hand. But unfortunately, there are no updates yet about it. And honestly, I don’t want to go there anymore because I think I’m better with this freelance business I’m engaged in. I think before this venture would reach its downfall, I’d be able to save enough to start another business of mine (just like my mama and papa who are good at it). Well I just feel sad I would no longer pursue a career as a Materials Engineer. Well anyway, it’s not too saddening because a huge fraction of our batch didn’t or maybe haven’t pursued a career yet in the solid MatE Industry.

I started writing for my brother on the first week of April this year, started writing a few for myself in May and went all the way solo last September. Overall, I’m doing great financially because I was able to make a down payment for a piece of land here in Tarlac and also buy a laptop of my own. Also, I was able to help mama with our utility bills and even contribute for other expenses.

Last month, I thought I’m starting to have my dreams coming true: an “almost” stable life (I’ll just keep what I mean to myself) and a simple, quiet life with my loved ones. Well I know I can’t have everything. It just makes me so sad that the most important things in my life are falling apart.

First, Papa is really giving us a hard time dealing with him. We really have so many problems with him. In fact, if only he would get out of his miserable life he made for himself, this family would have been perfect. Sometimes, I would even wish that Papa would realize all his faults and have the will to change his life. I also wish he would just say sorry and show us he wants our family back together and that he’s willing to change. But I know, no matter how much we try to help him, his life still depends on his hands. His attitude and everything that happened had a great impact on us. My cousins even left our house because of him. I feel like my sisters left me when they moved out. Since I’m here in Tarlac, I have no other friends but them.

Second, as I have mentioned my concern with friends, I have not much time to meet my old buddies and I think majority of them are not here in Tarlac. If they were just here, I would at least have someone to talk to when I get burned-out here at home. I know I still have Mama who’s here everyday. However, I can’t tell her everything especially our (Eze and I) problems with our relationship. It really makes me sad no one’s hugging me when I cry. Sigh!

Third, I dunno what’s happening with me and Eze. Maybe it’s because of the distance, or because of our differences, standards and disappointments. What’s happening to us right now is really a tough test for us to surpass. I dunno what’s gonna happen next. So much have been said and done and I’m not sure if there were any realizations happening. I have a lot of faults, but I’m not the only one who’s to blame. I never wanted to be disrespectful. I just want to open my eyes and say what I think is right and do something about it. But I guess, everything is not in place as planned. I’m afraid everything is being used against me.

Whenever I have this feeling I have right now, (sorry got no right term for it ’cause it’s really a crazy feeling) I just want to disappear as if I never existed. I always wanted to fix things instantly, but I know I can’t change things overnight. I want people to understand, but I guess it’s really hard to do that. I want to explain my side, but I guess they can’t grasp my point and just see the negative part of it.

I thought everything will be going well since September, but I see it’s too early to make a conclusion. I know life is hard to understand and there is just one bitter fact about life that is very much understandable:

In life, you win some AND you lose some.

I just wish those whom I treasure so much are not the ones I’m gonna lose. Ever since I was a kid, I already know the importance of the people and things around me. And I always try my best to keep them, to do my part not to lose them. But what can I do if they are the ones who are making two steps away from me whenever I make a step closer?

I’m not asking God to give me everything. I just wish He’d give me those that I value so much, or maybe just a little bit of the most important ones.

Contrary to what a lot of people expect for this year’s Christmas season, I think our family is gonna have one of the most prosperous holidays this year. Both Kuya and I are doing well in our ventures while our small family business still remains to be kicking great.

I am actually saving money for our Christmas shopping because I wanted to share my blessings to my loved ones. Preparing my shopping list, I tried to look for online stores that offer exciting gift ideas. Then I just bumped into BuyOnClick.com.

This shopping directory is dedicated to provide contact information of online shopping sites in UK. Having all categories arranged at the best possible way, I think every UK shopper can find what he wants in just a matter of minutes. Whether you are looking for gifts or accessories for Weddings, this site is the best shopping buddy you could have.

I actually visited some of the online stores listed on this site and everything just made me even more excited. Of course what captivated me the most are the items offered in the sites under the Fashions and Jewelry and Watches categories.

Why am I blogging about this Shopping Web Directory if I cannot use the site? It’s because I don’t know a shopping directory here in the Philippines, or maybe if there is, I don’t know the site. So if any of my readers know an online shopping directory in the RP, please let me know so it would be easier for me to do online shopping for Christmas.

I can’t sleep. So many things bugging my mind. I actually am not feeling so well. My heart is pounding hard and my mind is occupied by so many things.

I know that this is because of something that was not settled before this day ended. Too bad for me because I had to deal this by myself. Well I know, it’s just me who can handle my problems. But what can I do? I’m not that strong like what others think.

In fact, I am a coward who always try to make people believe that I can handle anything. A good adviser who says the right things at the right time. But the truth is, this kiddo doesn’t know how to advice herself. Ironic right?

Yeah, that’s life. Full of irony and struggles. I don’t want to get tired of it, but sometimes I’m left hanging by myself. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh.. I wanna sleep already because even though I’m awake, I cannot work. Grrrrrr.. I’m just wasting my time staring at my laptop..

Someone out there, hug me please.. I’m tired of hugging people but never get sincerely hugged back.

Note: This is my blog so bear with the drama.

Last week, I attended our Org’s Final Rites. It’s been a long time since I attended an Org activity because of several different reasons. Good thing, I was able to make it this time and I was really glad I attended the FR. When I was in college, I was a die hard UP MSS member. I was really active then and even became an officer for two years. However, something happened that made me lose my drive in participating, but the loyalty remained to be strong and the will to help the org never went away. I actually hesitated attending the FR because Papa arrived the day before the Final Rites. However, Mama told me to never forget my Social life. So I decided to go. When I reached UP, I know that my roommates (the 239ers) wouldn’t want me to attend the FR because they want us to spend time with one another. However, I still ended up attending the FR because I realized that I really wanted to.

The good-looking people of UP MSS (Top L-R: Pam-Pam, Iris, Floyd, JR, Mike, Jon, Me, D, RB and Bottom: Duane)

The best thing about the said event is that I was able to see people whom I know, became or are still as loyal and dedicated to the org as I am. A huge fraction of the ‘02 batch attending the FR is really worth the night. Even though we actually did nothing the whole night but to sing and chat about work, life, gossips and a lot other topics, the night was one of the best nights for me in my MSS Life. I still don’t know when I’d get another chance to attend an Org affair. I hope I can attend the Eng’g Week this year because that’s one of the best weeks in the UP Engineering Life.

I slept early last night and because of this, it was just this morning when I got to read Kuya’s messages. He gave me a link to a site that offers free wordpress themes and even suggested that I try this new theme for my personal blog. I was a bit surprised because I didn’t expect him to make such suggestions and I really liked the theme the first time I saw it. So that was the thing behind this new theme of mine.

I just love my current theme especially the sidebar and the colors. Kuya really knows what I want. Comparing this theme with the second one that I used, (the first one I had is the black one and the second is the one with a purple artwork at the header) I like this more because of its look and because it’s easier to use. Unlike the second theme I had, this one shows the date that I had the post live. The appearance is also a lot better. I actually had a hard time editing the theme of the older one while I didn’t make any modifications with this one. I also loved it when I saw the quote at the footer. It is actually an excerpt of my About Page. For me, this added a little spice on my page.

So again, thanks to Kuya for the suggestion and Cheers to all my readers.

Happy Browsing!