Seven years ago, the Tarlac State University Supreme Student Council or the TSU-SSC organized the Student Leaders’ Summit in Pampanga Agricultural College (PAC) in Magalang, Pampanga. It took us a lot of pleases and begging before Mama permitted me to attend the event. Even though I was still in high school then, as the Business Manager of the council, I needed to attend the said event. Eze, was also a part of the council, he was the treasurer.. and that was the reason why Mama hesitated to permit me. Haha
The 24th of November of 2001 is not just about the Summit but also about me and Eze.. That day, seven years ago, was the day when I finally became true to myself and accepted him to be my boyfriend.
Sadly, our anniversary this year is a bit different because I wasn’t even sure if it’s still worth celebrating. It was evident in this blog that these past few weeks were really shaky for the two of us. We have so many problems, particularly the distance, communication, my insecurities and ideals that make our situation worse. I don’t want to write here the detailed reasons behind our problems. The bottom line here is just that I thought this day would be the end of our relationship.
I know it was crazy (like all the other girls who are hoping to resolve their relationship problems) that while feeling hopeless and that this relationship is about to end, at the back of my mind, I’m still wishing that everything will be settled and we could still manage this long distance relationship until we’re together again.
I already had nothing to do at around 11 pm on the night of the 23rd. But still, I waited for the clock to hit 12 am. He greeted me at 12:30 am, the exact time when we became “us”. I was touched, yes; yet still hurt. I replied to his message, but not with an anniversary greeting. I know it wouldn’t be fair to myself if I greet him even though I know how deeply hurt I still am. I’m drowning with my issues..
Trackback: November 23, his mom texted me and asked me if we could meet the next day, go out and spend time together. Having difficulties saying no, I agreed to meet up with her. Morning came and I kept myself busy with all my work. Then 3 pm arrived and it’s time to meet up with Tita in the mall. When I arrived, they were already waiting because I came in late for I had to finish my work first before leaving home. Then she handed me a paper bag that contains two bouquets, one with two dozens and one with seven roses. (sorry for the resolution. I didn’t take the pictures immediately so they are no longer fresh in the pictures) Actually, I knew Eze would give me flowers. I just felt it. But at the moment Tita handed me the flowers, I dunno if I was happy he gave me lots of them or still, hurt.
We had a brief conversation because I didn’t want to share. I just want to keep things to myself. It’s not that I don’t trust her. I just think that would be another torture. After about an hour and a half, Tita and I parted and headed home.
I really can’t believe that I’ve become numb. Before, everything that he gives me means so much to me. But then, I felt nothing. I really love flowers and I appreciate them, yes. I just think that maybe if we were in good terms, he wouldn’t think of giving me flowers.. (he’s not that thoughtful, huh?!) And if he was the one who handed me the bouquet, we would be able to talk more, which is what we really need.
To cut the story short, before the day ended, we finally talked. This time, no more deadlines. Our conversation was full of emotions yet calm and open.. Changes – I’m looking forward to these because if I don’t see them, maybe it just proves that we’re just wasting our time. But still, I’m hoping we could fix things, like what he said. I also hope we could communicate more because I think that is where all our problems originated from. Finally, before his day ended, I greeted him a Happy Anniversary.. I undoubtedly love him.. SIGH!
Now, I treasure the flowers more! LoLz.. I think that’s pretty obvious.
I dunno how this post will feel like. Sorry.